Thoughts
by Blue Blooded Phantom
Summary: "Every time I think like this though, I feel guilty. I shouldn't feel like this. I shouldn't change." -Chisaki Hiradaira (Literature 2 Activity) Chisaki's P.O.V. Drabble


Okay! First time writing for TsuSaki fandom. Sorry if this seemed rushed. To be honest, I was supposed to do a post episode-24 but, I can't think of anything so this is, I dunno, before episode 14?

Anyway, this is actually for an assignment. My professor in Literature wanted us to write a fan fiction of a fictional girl character who deserves her own book. I didn't really write a book but, just a short oneshot. And it's a headcannon of how Chisaki dealt with her feelings for Tsumugu.

So, to my professor, I'm sorry this came in late.

The character I used is Chisaki Hiradaira from Nagi no Asukara because I think she's the most misunderstood person there.

I don't know if I sent it to the right e-mail (because I'm so bad at remembering things) so I hope she'll be able to read this.

Let's get on with this!

**Thoughts**

Rating: K+ (because seriously, this is so calm, I'm not used to it xD)

Word count: 1,553

Summary: "Every time I think like this though, I feel guilty. I shouldn't feel like this. I shouldn't change." –Chisaki Hiradaira

* * *

When I first came to the surface, I was afraid of how the people from there are going to treat us from Shioshishio, the sea village where my friends, Hikari, Manaka, Kaname and I came from. As people from under the sea, we rarely get the chance to see the surface but after our school closed down, we all agreed to study in Mihama Middle School, the school on the surface.

A lot happened since then. To be honest, I didn't know what to do. Everything seemed to be changing around me and I was scared. Hikari, the guy I've admired since I was kid, was suddenly so focused on making the Ofunehiki, a festival celebrated by the people from Shioshishio, the sea village and, Oshiooshi, the village from the surface, happen when he's the one who didn't like the surface in the first place. It was because he slowly learned that there really was no difference from the people on the surface and the people from the sea. The only difference we had from them is that we had Ena which enables us to live underwater.

Also, it was his determination to make his sister happy. Akari-san, Hikari's sister, was in a relationship with Itaru-san, the man from the surface. Hikari willingly accepted and supported his sister's decision to stay on the surface even if the consequence was that she'll be banished from Shioshishio.

Then there's Manaka. Hikari loved her so much but Manaka seemed to like Tsumugu, a boy from the surface. No matter how Hikari was hurting, he still supported Manaka.

Later on, we found out that the Sea God was getting weaker and is about to freeze the sea, making the people of Shioshishio hibernate while the surface just might face its end. I was afraid that none of us might wake up. And if we ever do wake up, what will happen to the surface by then?

To cut the long story short though, the Ofunehiki was a disaster. I was left alone on the surface after the sea went wild that night. Hikari, Manaka and Kaname were tossed from the boats to the sea and they were frozen together with it. I, on the other hand, rescued Tsumugu when he fell off the board. He didn't have Ena. He wouldn't survive if I left him there.

Five years had passed since that tragic incident but I still find myself looking at the sea whenever I get the chance. Just like now while I go home from the nursing school I go to. Among the four of us, I was the one who was afraid of the changes that happens around us but, here I am, the only one who's capable of noticing it. Hikari, Manaka and Kaname are still under the sea, asleep and I don't know when they will wake up.

I'm anxious to know how they'll look like once they wake up. It's been five years and admittedly, I changed a lot. What about them… I wonder if they did too. Actually, I shouldn't worrying about that. What I should be thinking of is whether they'll-

"Chisaki." A voice from behind me calls out. Immediately, I recognize the voice. I turn around only to see Tsumugu looking at me, his eyes examining. I've been living with Tsumugu and his grandfather since I was left on the surface. They took me in and treated me like family. Gramps had to stay in the hospital though because he's sick.

I smile at Tsumugu before looking back at the sea. "Went to visit Gramps?" I ask him.

He didn't say anything but I could see him nod from the corner of my eye. "You're still worrying about them?" Tsumugu inquires which caught me off-guard. He's not really the most vocal person there is. In the five years of staying with him though, I realized that I can read between the lines of what he says. With the tone he used, he's probably telling me not to stress myself out.

Giggling a bit, I look at him appreciatively. "I'm fine, Tsumugu." I reply. He looks surprised at my answer. "Let's go home now?"

"Sure." He reaches out for the paper bag I was holding and walks together with me.

Tsumugu had always been there for me in those five years that I stayed on the surface. Most of the time, he'll do anything just to make sure he's able to keep me company. We finished high school together, talked when we're bored, helped each other out with school works and house chores. I can't remember anything I did without him by my side. Two years ago though, he went to the city to study. He told me he wanted to study oceanography so he can know what's happening in Shioshishio and what is to happen to the surface.

I didn't know why but I felt something gnaw my heart back then. The thought of Tsumugu going away gave me a heavy feeling that bothered me to no ends. I just… didn't want to be alone. When he left, I realized how much I enjoyed his company. Not that I didn't enjoy it before. It's just that, I didn't expect him to leave. I never thought about it and it sort of made me worry about him. He's only here now to study on the field. He arrived yesterday and his research professor's going to arrive here in a few days and will be staying with us in the house.

"How's your studies?" Tsumugu asks out of the blue. He's not usually the one to start conversations so it surprises me.

I look at him. He's gotten a bit scruffy. I bet he doesn't have time to even look after himself there. His hair got a bit longer too. When it's his free time, I should drag him to get a haircut. I definitely should. "Well, my professor's telling me that I'm doing great. He even told me that I'll be a nurse in no time." I look straight ahead, seeing that we're almost at the house. "How about you, how's that research coming?"

I notice how his footsteps got slower after that. I guess it isn't going too well. "Not so good." I knew it. "The sea's still frozen so; we can't really conduct underwater surveillance." He grumbles, sounding frustrated. Just as I suspected… now I'm worried about the people in Shioshishio again. He places a hand on my shoulder, a gesture that surprised me. I didn't even realize that I stopped walking. I look at him, my eyes meeting his and I felt comfort in his gaze. "It'll be alright, Chisaki." He says.

Seeing the determination in his eyes, I nod. "Thank you." Was the only thing I was able to tell him.

We enter the house and he places my paper bag that he carried for me earlier on top of the table. I walk to the kitchen to get some Tangerines for Tsumugu to eat. He was sitting on the tatami when I got back to him.

I smile sheepishly as I held out the bowl of Tangerines and sat next to him. We ate in silence like how we used to back when he wasn't studying in the city yet. It was a comfortable stillness that Tsumugu and I shared.

I watch him as he ate. I wouldn't admit it out loud but I really am glad to have him here with me again. Looking at him earlier, I think he grew a few more inches. He's a lot taller than the last time I saw him. He's a bit thinner too, I think? I told him he should always eat properly. I should remember to keep reminding him of that.

Just five years and I feel so inclined towards him. I like having him around. I like seeing him work, eat and do all sorts of things. Even if he doesn't say much, I like talking to him. And, even just at times like this one, I liked the silence we shared together.

Every time I think like this though, I feel guilty. I shouldn't feel like this. I shouldn't change. How will Manaka react to this? I know she likes Tsumugu. Then, there's Hikari…

But in all honesty, I feel so happy that Tsumugu's here with me. I don't have to think much about how I feel. I would just like to enjoy the moment I'm with him. I always tell myself that I should've been together with my friends, hibernating under the sea. I should be sleeping too.

Most of the time though, I'm thankful I stayed. I'm thankful because I was able to be with Tsumugu.

I blink, my bubble of thoughts bursting, only to see that Tsumugu was looking at me. "You're thinking about _him, _are you?" He asks. I can't recognize the tone of his voice. It's the first time I've heard it. But that 'him' he's referring to...

…He must be thinking that my thoughts are of Hikari.

What am I doing? My thoughts should be of Hikari and not Tsumugu.

Who am I kidding? I don't really know anymore.

"Yeah." I whisper in defeat. "I'm thinking of him."

* * *

_A/N: And that's it. Sorry for the grammar errors and stuff. That's all! Read and review! Constructive criticisms are most welcomed! You'll be blessed! -bbp_


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